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Some people just aren't up to the job.
















Here are some stupid applications from people who wanted to join the team.

Ricky Gabrei
Yo, wazzup? My name is Ricky Gabrei and I can shoot stuff and I practice with tin cans and stuff. I once shoot a tire. I can probably kill stuff.

 
Comment- No. Just no.

Stephanie Topps

My name is Stephanie Topps and I have skill with the chainsaw. I can chop up anything, anything, anything! People, objects, stuff it makes no difference to me.

Comment- Chainsaw? No good in the long run. Sorry.

David Pockettini

I'm an Italian man not in the mob but I can damn well be in there if I wanted to because the mob sucks. I have excellent skill with pistols, automatics, explosives and am a black belt, trained by a secret sensai.
Comment- Sorry, man. The Mob rules. I,John, love the Mafia. As does John Brown. You see, The Mafia are our inspiration. No one disses the Mafia and lives.

 
Note by JB: David was later found with his nuts cut off and rammed in his mouth. He's not as good as he said.

(Name not sent or found)

I'll join your team if you give me half of what you earn and $1,000 every half-day. I can blast the Shit out of any bitch I see with my shotgun.

Comment: Sorry, whats-your-name. I don't think you'd be cut out for the job.

Tyler Cart

You should hire me because I can shoot.
Comment- Um... what the? More info, please!

 
Gordy Laggot

Hello. My name is Gordy Laggot and if you don't hire me I'm gonna rip your eyeballs out with a rusty spoon and strangle you with an old rope. You got that?
Comment: Listen you fuck you better look out I'm coming.

NOTE: Gordy's body mysteriously disapeared.

 
Frank Thompson

hey let me join i shot a blowup doll before and im gay so i hope you guys like that.

comment: we hate gays and if we ever see you i personily will gut you like a fish

 
Larry Towns

I have shot mice and rats and even made me a fur coat out of a neighbor's dog. Please let me join. I need a job because I'm pretty poor.

You made a fur coat out of a dog? Seriously, that's really messed up...even Bobby agrees. And if Bobby Smith agrees, you know that's BAD.
 
SnoopDogg (well, we know he lied)
 
Sup foos I've got a bazooka-launcher, M-20 and eighteen pistols plus I know stuff about guns. Let me join I'm good at fighting off enemies or people. -SnoopDogg
 
Bazooka-Launcher? You launch bazookas at people!?! DAMN! Looks like you don't know about guns. Why don't you go fight off enemies or people you dumb fuck.

"Trigger"

My name is Trigger and I'll have you know that I could take out your entire group. I am an ex-factory worker so I can use utensils to kill.

 

What, you mean you can fucking kill someone with a spoon? A factory worker thinks he---or she---knows what it takes to become an assassin. I want to see you try and kill just ONE of us.



Commentary is done by John Jacques.

E-Mail alienjohn@hotmail.com for comments about his comments or work.

 

 
















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